Levels of Family Interaction: Husband-Wife Interaction

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Levels of Family Interaction: Husband-Wife Interaction
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  Levels of Family Interaction: Husband-Wife Interaction 1.   Communication 1.1    Definition (1949) Shannon and Weaver’s Definition  Accept the transmission property by contending that communication includes all the  properties by which one can affect another. (1964) Berelson and Steiner’s Definition  As a transmission of information, ideas, emotions, skills and the like by the use of symbols, words, pictures, figures, graphs and so on. (1992) Fitzpa trick and Ritchie’s Definition  - Any instance of the creation of symbols in some medium in such a fashion that other  people can notice the symbols and make sense of them. 1.2 Four Communication Skills Thinking- processing of using one's mind to consider or reason about something. Listening- an active activity that involves receiving, deciphering, and perceiving a message with intent to respond. Speaking- communicating to other people using words or noises to get your message across to the person you are speaking to.  Non-Verbal- communicating to people using sign language or simple hand movements and also body language such as facial gestures and eye contact. 1.3 The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse of Communication between Husband and Wife Criticism versus Complaint. A complaint addresses only the specific action at which your  partner has failed. A criticism is global. It attacks the mate’s character or  personality. Here is an example: Complaint: ―There is no gas in the car. I’m aggravated that you didn’t fill it up like you said you would.‖ Criticism: ―You never remember anything! You can’t be counted on for your word!‖  Contempt. Contempt is composed of a set of behaviors that communicate disgust. It includes, but is not limited to: sneering, sarcasm, name calling, eye rolling, mockery, hostile humor and condescension. It is primarily transmitted through non-verbal  behaviors. It does not move toward reconciliation and inevitably increases the conflict. It is always disrespectful. Research shows couples that display contempt for each other suffer more illnesses and diseases than respectful couples. Defensiveness . These behaviors convey the message, ―The problem is not me. It’s you.‖ From this position you imply that, because your partner threw the first stone, they are responsible for the entire conflict. You avoid taking responsibility for your own behavior   by pointing to something they did prior to their complaint about you. You do not acknowledge that which is true in what they are saying about your behavior. Stonewalling. In relationships where intense arguments break out suddenly, and where criticism and contempt lead to defensiveness, and where more contempt leads to more defensiveness, eventually one partner tunes out. This is the beginning of stonewalling. The stonewaller acts as if he (research indicates that 85% of stonewallers in marriages are husbands) couldn’t care less about what the partner is s aying or doing. He (sometimes she) turns away from conflict and from the relationship. Any form of disengagement can  be stonewalling. 1.4 Styles of Responses in Communication between Husband and Wife Assertive communication- assumes that expressing thoughts, feelings, and desires is the right of the individual. Passive Communication- is characterized by an unwillingness to say what one thinks, feels, or wants Aggressive Communication- aims at hurting or putting down the other person Passive-Aggressive- individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way. 1.5   Ways to show positive affection -   Let your partner know that you’re listening: Listener backchannels - the usual brief vocalization, head nods, and facial movements that convey to the speaker that the listener is tracking -   Show interest in what your partner is telling you: Responding enthusiastically is the correct response -   Have some fun together: Involve play, humor, spontaneity and real fun 1.6    Ten Guidelines for Constructive Conflict Management between Husband and Wife Level with Each Other- Partners need to be as gently as possible; counselors call this leveling-  being transparent, authentic and explicit about how one feels; ―especially concerning the more conflictive or hurtf  ul aspects‖ of an intimate relationship. Leveling is self-disclosure in action. To Avoid Attacks, Use I-statements When You Can- Attacks are insults, or assaults on a  partner’s character or self  -esteem. Needless to say, attacks do not help to bond a couple.  Neither does blame. A rule in avoiding attack is to use I rather than you or why. I-statements are most effective if they are communicated in a positive way. Avoid Mixed, or Double Messages- Mixed or double messages are simultaneous messages that contradict each other. Contradictory messages may be verbal, or one may  be verbal and one non-verbal. Choose the time and Place carefully- Partners might try to negotiate gripe hours by  pinning down a time and place for a fight.  Focus Anger only on Specific Issues- Constructive fighting aims at resolving specific  problems that are happening now. Ask for a specific Change, but be open to Compromise- Resolving specific issues involves bargaining and negotiation. Be Willing to Change Yourself- Every intimate relationship involves negotiation and mutual compromise; partners who refuse to change, or who insist they cannot, are in effect refusing to engage in an intimate relationship. Don’t try to Win - Partners must not compete in fights. Remember to End the Argument- Fight big issues and know how to end a fight. Ideally, a fight ends when there has been a mutually satisfactory airing of each partner’s views.  Be willing to forgive  –    forgiving one’s partn er is critical to ongoing satisfying relationships. 1.7 Ten Rules for Nourishing Great Communication between Husband and Wife Express your love verbally- Say ―I love you‖ or some equivalent (in contracts to the attitude, ―What do you mean, do I love you, I married you, didn’t I?)  Be physically affectionate- This includes making love sexually as hand-holding, kissing, cuddling and comforting-with a cup of tea, a pillow, or a woolly blanket. Express your appreciation and even admiration- Talk together about what you like, enjoy, and cherish in each other. Share more about yourself with your partner that you do with any other person- In other words, keep each other primary. Offer each other emotional support system- Be there for each other in times of illness, difficulty, and crisis; be generally helpful and nurturing  —devoted to each other’s well - being. Express your love materially- Sent cards or give presents, big and small, on more than  just routine occasions. Lighten the burden of your partner’s life once in while by doing more than your agreed-upon share of the chores. Accept your partner’s demands and put up with your partner’s shortcomings - We are not talking here about putting up with physical or verbal abuse. But demands and shortcomings, and so is the grace with which we respond to them. Love your partner, not an unattainable idealization of him or her. Make time to be alone together- This time should be exclusively devoted to the two of you as a couple. Understand that love requires attention and leisure. Do not take your relationship for granted- Make your relationship your first priority and actively seek to meet each other’s needs.  Do unto each other as you would have the other do unto you- Unconsciously, we sometimes want to give less than we get, or to be treated in special ways that we seldom offer our mate. Try to see things from your lover’s viewpoint so that you can develop the empathy that underlies every lasting relationship.  2.   Decision-Making 2.1 Eight Types of Power between Husband and Wife  Authority or legitimate power- which is entrusted to one’s sp ouse by prevailing cultural or social norms Dominance power- which is based on force or the threat of force and punishment Resource power- which derives from the fact that one spouse has resources, such as money or prestige, that are considered desirable Expert power- which is based on special knowledge, skill or expertise. Influence power- which derives from the ability to successfully exert pressure on the other person Affective power- which one partner manipulates the other by granting or withholding affection, warmth and sexual access. Tension Management power- which one spouse controls the other by managing existing tensions or conflicts. Moral power- which one spouse supports a claim for power and control by appeals to religious, moral or legal norms. 2.2 Six Top Things that Determines Decision Making Occupation- The more prestigious occupation, the more likely to dominate decision making at home. Income- A spouse who earn high incomes are more likely to dominate at home compared to spouse who earn smaller incomes. Education- The spouse with the most education generally tends to dominate marital relations. Social Participation- The more groups and organizations a spouse belongs to, the greater the power at home. Children- the wife likely to be at home with child care responsibilities and forgo  personal prestige, work and social contacts Resource Theory of Marital Power - Proposes that the relative power between husbands and wives results from their relative resources as individuals- education, occupation, income and economic resources.   2.3 Husband and Wife Power Wife Dominant- indicates that the wife has the greater authority in decision making Syncratic- Characterized by a high degree of shared decision making and relatively equal relative authority  Automatic- characterized by little shared authority and a roughly equitable division of labor between husbands and wives over who has the final say across the various types of decisions. Husband Dominant- indicates that the husband has the greater authority in decision making. 2.4 Ways to Improve Making Decision between Husband and Wife Being proactive about decision making a. What types of decisions require a discussion between the two of you?  b. What types of decisions can you each make without consulting the other? c. What will you do and who will you contact when you cannot agree on a decision? Leaving, cleaving, and making decisions as a couple Common sense, logic and signs in decision making Seeking counsel Freedom and Responsibility Figuring out what is important: preferences, house rules, organizational norms, and absolutes 3.   Roles: Development and Performance 3.1   Stereo Types about Gender Roles -   Typical family: husband works, wife stays home -   Two types of women: good and bad -   Women’s status in society is equal to men’s   -   Real men are in control of the situation -   Real men don’t cry   -   Women are too emotional & soft to be leaders 3.2    Evolution of Gender Roles -   Patriarchal System -   Feminist movements -   Megatrends that opened doors -   Social change -   Economic change -   Emphasis on ethical values -   The move toward more Egalitarian Roles-creating egalitarian society 3.3  Impact of the Change: The Current Socio Economic Profile - Occupations - Men dominate top management & all professional fields
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